


His Last Letter

by Search_N_Destroy



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Goodbyes, Heartbreak, Love Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 14:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15098183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Search_N_Destroy/pseuds/Search_N_Destroy
Summary: it's been months since Adam dropped Tommy from not only his band, but his life entirely. one day a letter comes for Adam at his home with familiar handwriting, but what could it be?





	His Last Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I know I've been a little MIA over the past, I want to say 3 month?? maybe longer?? ANYWHO I've had a lot on in life and everything's a little manic. Also I'm going through the break down of a relationship at the moment, hence this angsty little number popping into my brain. it's only something short but I thought it would be kinda cathartic to get it out there, you know? so anyway I hope you enjoy it ;)

_**I hope that when you’re quiet and all alone you think of me. When you’re sat there thinking about your new life, your miserable life, the life that is hidden from view from the countless nameless faces staring back at you each night, you think about me.** _

_**You think about how bad you messed up. You think about how much you hurt me despite all of my efforts to make you feel whole again, to make you hurt less. I hope that when my name enters your brain it hits you like a brick, like a ton of them. And you realize just how much I cared about you, how much I gave up for you and how much I did for you.** _

__

_**I knew that deep down you were broken, and you knew I was too, and still I did my very best to help you. My very best to chase all the demons away you didn’t want to show anyone but me. But it didn’t even matter because you left me anyway, even though I needed you the most. When I am sitting down, quiet and alone as I always am now I think about you too.** _

_**I think about how much you really seemed to care about me and how one day you just changed your mind. You see the difference between you and me is that when I think about it all, really think that is, I know it’s not my fault.** _

__

_**I know that I tried my hardest, I changed and I grew and I tried so freaking hard. I made compromises for you in a way I never imagined myself compromising for another human being, let alone another man.** _

_**I didn’t know what I was before you came along and you showed me, yes, but I had to take that step all so we could be together isn’t that ironic? You see, even though I know it’s probably for the best, I still hope you think about me and that you wake up in the middle of the night panicked and dripping in sweat when you realize that you lost one of the best things in your life, and you have no one else to blame but yourself.** _

__

_**The problem is they don’t tell you that there will be days like this from now on, the days that feel like hell has made a home in your chest. Somedays I swear I can feel wildflowers blooming from the deepest, darkest parts of me, the parts I like to hide.** _

_**It’s like I can taste the sunlight that feeds them and feel them breathing within me, their colorful faces peeking out from the blackened shell of me. And I am free.** _

_**Then there are days like today which comes from nowhere, without rhyme or reason or even a sign that it’s on its way, but here it is. Upon you. Maybe it does come from nowhere, or everywhere…. I haven’t decided, but it takes that hell fire you play host to and it uses it to burn those flowers to ashes.** _

__

_**It pulls them up from their roots and swallows them whole and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it as the smoke fills your lungs, and you’re left with the absence of the sun, and the ghost of who you use to be. They don’t tell you how exhausting housing hell is, but still you have to go on regardless because it’s all you know how to do.** _

__

_**This is the part where I am supposed to hate you, and trust me when I say in a way I do. I hate that you knew all the things to say to get my heart involved, and that in the beginning you did just enough to get me to trust you. Because in the beginning it was different, you were different and now it’s completely different.** _

_**I thought at first you’d changed, but now I understand that the person you were before was just a lie told long enough for me to believe in you. All of a sudden I went from being hopeful and wanting everything that contained you within my little world to being completely hopeless, wanting to shut everything out.** _

_**And now I’ve reached this point of confusion where I wanted to try, but you’re not trying. Where I want your time but you have none for me. I wanted everything you promised you’d provide but now I am left with this crippling realization that you are just like the others. The ones who seek to destroy people for some sadistic selfish gain.** _

__

_**I did love you, I loved you so much I couldn’t breathe. You consumed my entire being, and that’s why I allowed you to treat me the way you did. I honestly don’t know what you got out of it, but I hope you never put anyone else through that. I waited for you, I gave you chance after chance and gave you every last piece of me, every goddamn last thing. But it wasn’t enough because you weren’t willing to change.** _

_**I tried to hang on, because I stupidly thought you were worth it, but once again you proved me wrong. I kept making excuses for you, that you had a lot on your mind or that you were busy trying to make everything work. I also took a lot of the blame for it, as if I was too annoying or too much of an inconvenience to you.** _

__

_**But that stops right now, right here as I write this because enough is enough! I’ve done everything I could do, said everything I could say, and even in the most trying of times I stayed loyal to and respected you, even when you weren’t around, and for what?** _

_**So that you could cast me aside when you’d had enough? So you could wake up one day and decide I wasn’t enough and that maybe I hadn’t ever been enough. Maybe I was good for your ego or maybe just maybe I was something you wanted to play with.** _

_**I don’t care anymore about the why’s or the other useless all-consuming questions buzzing around my anxious mind, left there by your lack of conscience. Because I know I am enough, and I have to find someone who will appreciate and love the shit out of me because I deserve that and nothing less.** _

__

_**It’s time for me to heal now, time for me to understand that the only person who messed up here is you, because you’re incapable of loving someone. You’ve taught me many valuable lessons but none so potent as this one; I now know how NOT to treat another human being.** _

_**My closure comes from me, not from you. It comes from me accepting that I am enough, that not one shred of my self-esteem is tied to any form of your acceptance. I wasn’t good enough to be your first choice, not really… but I sure as hell won’t be your last resort.** _

__

_**One day I’ll wake up and won’t think of you, I won’t think about what you’re doing or if you were thinking about me too. You’ll just simply not be on my mind anymore…. And I can’t wait for that day to come, because it will and it’ll be beautiful.** _

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah...... I just thought it would be nice for Tommy to be poetic and reflective and in a way vulnerable, because it does kind of feel like Adam 'dumped' him a little bit.... and that's no shade on Adam BTW we have no idea what went down but it cuts close to home for me right now. so there we have it. no happy endings here kids. sorry!


End file.
